You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
