we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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