a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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