Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
