Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
