So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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