This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My brain says no but my pants say off.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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