i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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