so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
