hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
