worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
