I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
