Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
