...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
