well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
