Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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