are you still at the devil's house?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
