alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
