We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
