Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
