All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
