She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
