I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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