I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
