I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
