I am in a vortex of obligation.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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