Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Everclear isn't food dammit
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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