Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A bitchslap is in order.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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