Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
