I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
