My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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