Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
