you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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