you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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