her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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