Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
