just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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