Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have fence marks all over my body
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
