it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
