Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
