i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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