You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
