You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
