She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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