Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
