There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
