How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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