the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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