We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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