God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
